Many, many times over the last several months I’ve had whispers and thoughts to blog about, but the whispers weren’t loud and it’s almost like they whipped away in the wind before I really heard them. Ditto for my thoughts. I felt like I was reading a passage in a book, just about to understand the meaning, and then POOF…..they were gone.
So I honored the process and figured I would know it was time when I knew it was time, and so here we are today.
Last November, I left for Scotland (where my then-boyfriend and now-husband lives) knowing I was going on a spiritual deep dive. In the week before I left Seattle, I met god/universe/the divine/spirit. You can call it what you like. I say I met God – it’s the best way to describe the incredibly powerful experience I had. (I’ll tell you about that some other time, in person and/or live. It’s a more compelling and undeniable story when told. For now, imagine a movie wherein the white light descends and you’re surrounded by love. I now believe that’s real.)
I knew if I wanted to continue aligning with god and all high energies – angels, unicorns, ascended masters, etc – that I needed to function on a very high vibration myself. That takes work, at least for me. It’s why people meditate or spend a month in an ashram. Those quiet moments are meant to heal us, provide us space to listen and they ultimately raise our vibration. It’s what I’ve been working on for years, but this winter I knew I had to make significant strides in order feel again that amazing feeling I experienced. I also knew/know that if I really want to be a vessel for world peace, I needed/need to find inner peace. You know that expression – “be the change you want to see in the world”? I’m taking that to heart.
Winters in Scotland are quiet times for me – I have very few friends and my man is at work all day, leaving me a good many hours alone. This winter, I quickly settled into a routine. I woke up in the morning and would make a cup of coffee, turning on meditation music while I puttered. I would kiss Ken goodbye and then sit in front of the fire with my journal and write. Sometimes I had shit to work out. Sometimes, I would just write my current feeling. Many days I just stared at a page and something would come to me – a childhood memory, something I said to a friend, a feeling in my body – and so I’d write about that. I would find an emotional trigger and then trace it back in time to it’s genesis wanting to heal the memory. A friend calls it the “trigger tree” – you find the emotion that flares up and creates a negative energetic sensation or reaction and then trace it back, clearing it energetically from your past. (As I’ve mentioned before, our past memories often inform our present day situations, and we drag it around with us.) I did work like this many years ago with my friend and healer, Susan. (And YES, I think you should go see her if you’re’ feeling stuck and you’re ready to make changes.)
After journaling and clearing, I would read. I read any number of spiritual books from a handful of authors big and small. New Earth from Eckhart Tolle was particularly interesting to me. I read about mediumship, clearing chakras and mastering energetic self-healing among other topics like herbal medicine, past lives and archetypes. Finally, I would meditate. Some days I would send energy out to friends. Some days I would go deep and my face would feel fizzy. Some days I couldn’t stop thinking about my grocery list. This daily spirit work took 4 to 5 hours. Then I’d work for 3 hours and then my man would come back home. Rinse, repeat for 4 months over winter.
All of this is to say, I have, shifted and I am shifting. Here are a few things I’ve put into practice along the way. None of them are “learned” just yet – I’m still trying some things on to see how they feel. But in the interest of sharing my experience with the hope that you’ll be encouraged to dig deep, change and work on being an earth angel, here’s what is bubbling up in this moment that I’m compelled to share.
- Just because you change, doesn’t mean your people change. I often feel like friends no longer know who I am. They see my as someone I was 2 years ago, or 8 months ago, not as the individual I am becoming. That’s been tough. I’ve chosen to step away from several friendships and I’ve alienated and offended quite a few of my friends. The beauty in this, for me, is that I’ve done so without fear. My intentions are always from a place of love and I have compassion for any hurt anyone is feeling.
- I trust my intuition explicitly and wholly. I do what I want and do not offer reasons or excuses. I have worked with concerted effort to get to a place where I can identify what it is I want and so I must honor them. Additionally, I believe those choices have absolutely nothing to do with anyone but me.
- Daily work is crucial. I don’t have the luxury of sitting for 4 hours in contemplation and meditation, but I do something daily – journal/meditate/yoga/contemplate.
- The more you work on energy, the more energy you feel. I bet $20 that if you ask one of my friends if I’m soft/emotional they wouldn’t hesitate before saying no. Bull in a china shop is what I get a lot – with all physical matter (hey, I DO break a lot of dishes) and emotions, but that has shifted. I can now feel energy strongly. That means it has started to hurt me when people are sad or mad or hurting AND I can tell the difference between all three. This is a …..
- Knowing. Knowings are happening more and more. I know what people are feeling and I know what state of mind people are in. This is a really new thing for me and I’m observing the process and figuring out how not to be effected. For now, I feel like a newborn or someone who’s just come out of a cave. I’m emotionally squinting.
- If it doesn’t have to do with headstands or the universe, I’m not interested. (Full disclosure – I read that on someones Instagram, but it is so good!) I do not know what’s going on with trump/hillary/mass shootings/healthcare. Consuming that stuff drags me down and I only want to be surrounded by light. I’ve recently deleted Facebook from my phone as it’s basically a connection to the news. Am I worried about Donald Trump? Nope. Love will prevail – I believe that with all my heart.
- I believe.
I hope to share some lessons you can implement soon. I LOVE YOU.